Who I Have Become

The first line is the most difficult
the most important
pen to paper expression
paramount to first impression
succession of intent
my perspective
is self inflicted
is self infected
self rejected and I know all to well
I’m not blaming you or me
the high or low tides at sea
that change at different times
or whenever
but never –  never…
depending on the moon
ebb and flow letting go
of my safety net I cannot forget – you
I have lost all sense of direction
my perception skewed
by misunderstandings
emotions commanding
and envelopes left un-opened
words left un-read
thoughts left un-said
but you – you remain
you are still there in my thoughts,
my heart, my dreams – nightmares…
shadows scare hopes and clear the scope
of what is what and who I have become
I ask the question and wait with bated breath
without bated possibilities – anticipation
without speculation of a higher powers response…
yet there is none
again I ask – who have I become…
silence echos loudly – but I am not keeping score
not now, not anymore
I battle with my internal voices, concede to my choices
and struggle with a subconscious war
I do not know who I have become
or who I am anymore…

© 2016 TrilbyYates