‘ Tis The Season

‘Tis the season for holiday cheer
for some it’s an innate time of dread
some glow from head to toe
count down to that momentous day
when the path of kings and gods alike collided
a child born a story told
carrying more than a few of the die harden
Old Testament New Testament
King James elegant English word stirring
emotion provoking version bible toting
faithful from the depths of Mother Earth
places unknown but alas capturing
the hearts and imaginations
generation after generation
war after war
century after century
oppression
regression
suppression
domination
subjugation
supremacy
ascendancy
blood shed…
countless numbers cherish and pray
to whom they have tenderly named
God Jehovah Yahweh
as their anointed and holy one ~
…yet the battle
still rages on and on
who are those chosen few
that will eventually rise above
the rest with wings of gold
and harps strum by feathered wings
of baby angels
we maintain our right to walk the path
of the glorious with the burden of
a self proclaimed hierarchy
…attempting to listen
comprehend without a judgmental
mindset weapon held tightly in hand
I continue to wonder in amazement
how one maintains sustains
faith unquestionably…

Holiday festive gatherings with family and friends Christmas tree and candle light twinkle red blue yellow the smell of evergreen and spice such a magical sight snow flakes if we are fortunate will fall from the sky setting the tone blanketing the world in white symbolic of peace and hope as we wait for the events once again to occur on this the most holy of nights…

© 2016 TrilbyYates

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I Live With No Regrets

Wishful thinking
a few Hail Mary’s
and an Act Of Contrition
thrown in for good luck
– keeps me honest
when I spend to much
time alone…
Once you asked
if I was raised
as a Catholic girl
Big Apple shines bright
in beautiful Italian brown eyes
you said
All I could see
were emerald shades
of green in yours
reflecting in retrospect
is like looking
beyond the mirror
Undeniable passion
while sparks flew
and we strolled along
The River Seine
Your hands soft and electric
reached inside my chest
grabbed a hold of my heart
as if there would be no tomorrow –
(took my breath away)
future pending –
– and there wasn’t …

But, the question remains,
asked to often
out of focus
a balancing act
high wire stress factor
cliff hanger –
Would we have taken that walk
if we had known?

The light flickered –
then went out –

I think, yes…I live with no regrets

© 2016 TrilbyYates

Holy Resemblance

Slight of hand with a side twist of fate
smoke and mirrors up in a puff vaporize
shifting grey eyes
grab a hold of what is near and dear
only one that gets out alive
is the Svengali in us all
with hands thrust deeply
in the back pocket of our neighbors
while holding a knife to the jugular
serial killers our partners in crime
sitting at the head of the table
cloth napkin falls to the floor
glances shoot subtle wish
never more never more
you lose either way willing
or unable
glass ceilings crack
at the thought of redemption
and there is a lack
of satisfaction when only a few
have the formula to what’s what
and how to get off without leaving a trace
and I look to your perfection
without question or concern
without biblical connection
like a wide eyed wonder child
from the hippie-drone era
non committal paradox
trapped in the four corners
of our flawless microcosm
cardboard latch key box
tipping the scales of justice
we look out with an air of superiority
our society’s majority is made up of a minority
that requires everyone else
turn the other cheek and trust us
as if we are the keepers of this world
pretending that the other side of the moon
bears witness to none
to all that we have to hide
all that we have done
behind closed doors shades drawn
you recall the sense of being
nothing less than a saboteurs pawn
an impossibility if one believes solely
in a greater power grand source
creator of all that is holy
left handed gun raised firing the final shot
…resembling all that we are not

© 2016 TrilbyYates

You Do Not Know Me

FullSizeRender
I am
a prisoner
of time and space
held within
the boundaries
of a sanctioned
God anointed birth
the law of the land
the law of religion
and unquestioned faith
the law of responsibility
to all those
that have come
before
and after
the psychological
weapons
chains of societal
norms
guilt, shame, selfishness
keeping me here
with one foot
always firmly
planted
in a place of
– non –
in a space
of absence –
conflicting presence
a calming heart beat
without
a detectable pulse
a heart beat
that keeps
the rhythm
and rhyme
with notes
and emotion
linked with
highs and lows
to verbs and nouns
I am
not merely
made up
of a past
and present
potential future
flesh and bone –
I am
emotions
sensations
feelings
vibrations
the wind
or lack of
I am
the unknown
the object
of your
affection
occasional
rejection
sequential reflection
yet you
do not know
me –
…have never known
anything more
than what
I
revealed
concealed
without malice
of  intention
but with
self preservation
adaptation
innate
guided fate
all that my
limitations
could allow…
the past
moves fast
it becomes
a comfortable chair
that is
intentionally placed
by the hands
of a
“gentler God”
with a story
how life
is learned
heaven
is earned
in a living room
of comings
and goings
adding this
or that
the past
knows
more
of its present
and future
than the
unpredictability
of life
all
unto its own
they
whom ever
do not know
me
and before
I
venture
off
to that
unparalleled space
of the
unknown
heavenly Grace
you who have grown
and have known
even less
and never
reverberate
or contemplate
the reasons why…

© 2016 TrilbyYates  (photo of Trilby Yates 2016)

Wise Ass Kid

Those days
When thoughts
Swirled around
In my mind
Creating an energy
Cause and effect
Suddenly out of thin air
A call or note
Song from the past
A nudge from
Turbulent times
A cosmic force connects
A reminder tap tap
You can never go back
Although I lean on the belief
Nothing is set in stone
Except birth and death
Those sweet innocent days
Are few and far between
So be careful who you
Day dream about
Strangers appear
In familiar garb
Time passes snap
– and mindful images
Never seem to fade
Wishful thinking
Is an independent luxury
Like a journey to an exotic
Far away unknown land
Scrolling through photographs
and tag lines eyes blur to focus
Wondering playfully – pause
What’s going to happen next
The wheels turn slower
and the clock ticks louder
Adjusting the bar downward
Dragging realistic wants and needs
Lacking subtle expectations
To an abrupt unexpected halt
Gears jam and all I can do
Is scream profanities into a void
Pathetic reminiscent childlike questions
and obscene childlike gestures
Blurted out with no rational
Like a wise ass kid hanging
On any city street corner
In any city in the world
Unique – not unto its own
Self absorbed truth seeker
Asking why always why
As if expecting some profound
Heavenly answer to fall peacefully
Settling at my feet
Like a feather from the nest
Pride is a virtue
Ego is a vice
I continuously stumble around
Exhausted from the battle
My internal war rages on …

© 2016 TrilbyYates

Waiting

Darkest of the night
when spoken simple words
…my love the light
lands perfectly
You have the face of an angel
Saving grace
and all that we were taught
in stained glass cathedrals
Ceilings reaching out
grabbing hold of the heavens
with windows that bleed
Holiest of waters pouring
onto the faithless
Color soothes the soul
for sinners and not
Bead readers in silent prayer
words strung together
signs of the Cross
we have yet to bear
The son, his, or her name
guiding the way
bring us to our knees
Thankful for what we have
finally found
and now as walls
crumble around me
piece by tiny piece
My life is quietly dismantled
and only those that watch
from high above
can bring it all to an end
While waiting has never
been a virtue
I ponder and question
I wait and wonder
– counting the stars
– waiting for a peaceful
slumber…that does not come…waiting…

© 2016 Trilby

I Dream Of You

I dream of you…(softly)
I dream of you…(tearfully)
…dream of you…(whisper)
I dream about you…(loudly)
I dream about you…(tearfully)
I scream for you…(scream)
I SCREAM…(anger)
SCREAM to the heavens…(pissed off)
CLENCHED FISTS to the heavens…(without fear)
I SCREAM FOR YOU…(hysterically)
I SCREAM FOR ANSWERS…(pleading)
I scream without reply…(reluctantly)
I cry for you, weep uncontrollably for you…(sorrowfully)
I ache, my heart aches…(painfully)
I curse the heavens…(sparks fly)
I curse the angels, god, day, night…(fuck)
I curse the existence of this life…(fuck)
I fall to my knees and beg for you…(pleading)
I beg without ego or pride…(alone)
I beg for you…(relentlessly)
I linger…(hopefully)
I linger with one foot in the past…(mournfully)
I linger with peace in my heart in the past…(joyfully)
I hang on the edges with one foot in the present…(letting go)
I hang on the edges…one foot in the present…(surrendering)

I dream of you…love(softly)
I dream of you…love(tearfully)
…dream of you…love(whisper)

I ask…for you…I reach for you…I reach


© 2016 Trilby

Fear

Child of the night
sweet innocence
of delight
with your heart
worn out
and faded
Chambray shirt
torn at the sleeve
you can’t
bring yourself
to question the blur
that follows you around
shadowing
every secret kept
When the time comes
you glide with ease
across the floor
feet never touching
the ground
The slightest trace
of ambivalence
touches your face
while hands from the past
mislead you
gently through a free fall
your silver parachute
never fails
Stray buttons
held tight
for safe keeping
and you smile
nothing lost
nothing gained
while the fat lady sings
all those tunes
out of sync
Time lapse
flip book
skipping a note
here and there
what matters
if you can’t follow
the beat
Your path
or mine
take it to the left
when all else implodes
Sky rockets shatter
and star light beams
to points unknown
and the devil flies
in the face
of who’s who
And truth behold
a suitable playmate
soothsayers
can’t hold a candle
in the wind
without a cautionary tale
I fear for the worst…

Fear:
1 – the emotion experienced in the presence or threat of danger fear –
Synonyms alarm (also alarum), anxietydreadfearfulnessfrighthorrorpanicscareterrortrepidation

2 – an uneasy state of mind usually over the possibility of an anticipated misfortune or trouble; fear for her family’s safety drove her to seek help from neighbors she hardly knew – Synonyms agitaagitationanxiousnessapprehensionapprehensivenesscareconcernconcernmentdisquietdisquietudefearnervositynervousnessperturbationsolicitudesweatuneaseuneasinessworry

Antonyms unconcern

© 2016 TrilbyYates

Death

So yes, I have hit the wall
– many times
I’ve reached down
in the darkness and found
the bottom was still
another 100 feet below me
and all I can say
with a hint of ambivalence
“…man what a trip, what a journey…” 

And all the introspective chatter
and cliches passing thru the test of time
held with the highest regard phrases
don’t hold an ounce of truth
when the light at the end of the tunnel
is a taunting echo of yourself

Self help mumbo jumbo
new age movement
authors and prophets of old
who keep their secrets
closely protected
within their well guarded heart
while all along holding the key
to their own mysteries
…yet to be solved

And the passions rise
when a nerve is struck
over and over again
their truth is well earned
from their own rock bottom
bouncing realizations
when a light bulb moment
goes off the crowd kneels
and we all know it is
just another oxymoron
but enlightens those in the dark
without question none the less

Once again I am
in a free fall
seeing a lot of familiar faces
along the way
– and yet
there is still no comfort
in the masses
and self pity is as destructive
as falling on your own
proverbial sword
– it’s all a ploy
a way to make sense
of the inevitable
to maintain the purity of faith
in the smile of excellence
on your face
that it is sincere
and not a reflection
of one foot already planted
firmly in the ground of fear

And that’s not for me
I’m just saying man
that is not my way out
my ashes will blow
across the wide open sea
that sweet spot
where land never
reaches the eye
– carried by angels
and when the time is right
they will kiss me off
into the wind I’ll float
high above what was
once my reality

And in the distance
a comforting voice
will be heard
whispers of welcome
and a warm hand
will reach out and touch
that one remaining particle
the ultimate human being
…death needs no introduction

© 2016 TrilbyYates