Heart and Heart

Eyes close take a deep breath
deep breath through the nose slow inhale
never letting go never letting go
filling the lungs filling the emptiness
in hallowed walls muted color soaked sanitized
lack of smell
lack of individuality
lack of who I am
color soaked sanitized

Form A form B circle one cross out one two
all the others the others that don’t apply
what does apply when the chest rises and doesn’t fall
what applies when you are shuffled in different directions
more questions more questions more questions
answers come to slow answers drift into the abyss
or they never come at all they hang in mind air
eyes close and I ask the cosmos I ask the goddess
will I ever see you again
will I ever feel you again
I drift away deep out of body drift and dreams

A nonsensical arbitrary paper trail
the imperial order of a healthcare hierarchy
that moves in white lab coats and clip boards
that holds an oath to do no harm to do no harm
I drift in and out now and then lights flash I drift
I drift away deep out of body drift and dreams

My hand on your chest your hand on mine heart beats
my love my love I hold your gentle heart in memories deep
I count each beat I drift out of body drift and dreams
you reach inside my chest my heart in your hands
you count each beat you whisper as I drift
you whisper my name you hold my heart
it’s not my time you let go I drift out of body
dream twist you let go another time love another time…

©2017 TrilbyYates

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Austin

Dry winds blow from somewhere
south of the city limits
and I’m flying high above the clouds
headed west to witness
the joining of his life to hers
and my emotions are a tightrope of joy and anticipation
I shift in my seat 1st class buzz
a glass of champagne compliments of Delta
it’s a push and I don’t mind drifting off
to days when he was too small to think
about anything but color and Legos
sentimental daydreams peaceful reverie
a calming zone washes over me

Standing together his hand in hers eyes wide
golden bands words from the heart fingers entwined
kiss for a future filled with promise and pride
cherishing the moment cherishing each and every moment
a boutonnière for the groom a bouquet for the bride

A warm Austin wind blows flower petals dance in the air…

©2017 TrilbyYates

Thread

Hanging on by a single thread silk woven bare bones
And you ask why I don’t cry or why I sleep walk instead
Of resting dream like in my bed and all I can think about is how my hands ache
Every time I walk past a grave site with granite stone shining bright
There is nothing left to say
I’m hanging on by a single thread silk woven bare bones

There is a line
Sometimes it’s in the sand
Sometimes it’s moral and won’t be crossed
Sometimes it’s blood, family, generations
A line by any other name is still a line
Tomorrow we say goodbye
Tomorrow we confirm within ritual our final goodbyes
A bloodline family a generation
Tomorrow we say goodbye and we never ever forget
It is family
It is a bloodline
It is a generation
A single thread

©2017 TrilbyYates

One of My Stories

It was Valentines Day…I made chocolate covered strawberries
you photographed them Nikon Kodachrome color never fades
the chemo nurse asked for a signed copy she collects strawberry photos
kitchen framed hanging on the wall fav patient she said
you graciously complied signature of an artist
a future Hallmark card never to throw away
take-out delivery dinner sushi deluxe
you bought a box of hot saki for me
we dressed up as if a night out on the town were apropos
Ginger Rogers and Johnny Rotten who would have known
music floated around sweet sounds soothing
the difference between rock n roll drummers and Jazz
technique and beat drumsticks in hand tap, tap, tap
we sat in the living room funny name we laughed
Noguchi table white linens and candle light
chop sticks ginger and wasabi burning bright
a knock at the door top hat and spats
a bouquet of wildflowers left in sterile wrap
orange tiger lilies white daisies gentle spray of babies breath
babies breath shallow and sweet
we both seemed to buzz, vibrate in sync with the universe
a high from the experience and love – a well earned gift
a high from a low level oxygen intake – breathe deeply
bare necessities when so much exists between two people
…the space is clear our wealth intoxicating

– drip drip drip background noise continuous

©2017 TrilbyYates

Washes Over Me

I walked with you only to learn
what it meant to feel
sand and sea washing over me
Sand and the sea have a way of cleansing the senses
and freeing the soul
Twists and turns, knots and noose fall slack
and slumber eases its way backward;
– nothing short of insomnia
I walked with you only to learn
my footing was shallow
never on solid ground
Sand slips beneath my feet and the sea washes over me
the sea always washes over me,
and the wind sings a gut wrenching melody
that never leaves; a tune to recall
from now until eternity,
it washes over me, always washing over me
I walked with you only to learn
a lesson lived a lesson learned
and bridges walked over yet never burned
is like a wave of tranquility
and the sand slips beneath my feet
and the sea washes over me
The sea always washes over me
The sea washes over me

©2017 TrilbyYates

Waters Edge

I walk the winters shoreline slow and easy
Bits of sand cling to the bottom of my boots
An occasional seashell eclipses my solitude – it becomes mine
A treasured token memory like a stranger that I take home just
For the night safe from a tidal uprising
I’ll enter the waters calm and plunge deep within
Searching for a peaceful time and send you off to war
There is little left when the sun rises and shadows begin to fall
And I, simply put, have nothing left, there isn’t any more

Morning light draws a fine line that glistens on the horizon
Sunshine builds castles in the sand as I walk away
They become vaguely familiar images filled with questionable
Dream like memories and jagged edged recall
My own imagination pulls me closer to the waters song
Drawing me under not a breath to be taken
Only my heartbeat remains the same even when no one else
….can hear it at all

© 2016 TrilbyYates

‘ Tis The Season

‘Tis the season for holiday cheer
for some it’s an innate time of dread
some glow from head to toe
count down to that momentous day
when the path of kings and gods alike collided
a child born a story told
carrying more than a few of the die harden
Old Testament New Testament
King James elegant English word stirring
emotion provoking version bible toting
faithful from the depths of Mother Earth
places unknown but alas capturing
the hearts and imaginations
generation after generation
war after war
century after century
oppression
regression
suppression
domination
subjugation
supremacy
ascendancy
blood shed…
countless numbers cherish and pray
to whom they have tenderly named
God Jehovah Yahweh
as their anointed and holy one ~
…yet the battle
still rages on and on
who are those chosen few
that will eventually rise above
the rest with wings of gold
and harps strum by feathered wings
of baby angels
we maintain our right to walk the path
of the glorious with the burden of
a self proclaimed hierarchy
…attempting to listen
comprehend without a judgmental
mindset weapon held tightly in hand
I continue to wonder in amazement
how one maintains sustains
faith unquestionably…

Holiday festive gatherings with family and friends Christmas tree and candle light twinkle red blue yellow the smell of evergreen and spice such a magical sight snow flakes if we are fortunate will fall from the sky setting the tone blanketing the world in white symbolic of peace and hope as we wait for the events once again to occur on this the most holy of nights…

© 2016 TrilbyYates

Christmas Songs

Tis the season, yes, tis the season
for joy, strength, purity of heart, purity of faith
unity in family, friends old and new
sharing and giving unconditional love
…yet there is a distance in the feel
of the Christmas songs
– at least for me
a detached sense of how blessed
we are all supposed to be
when the world is exploding
walls going up, fear and hate soaring
the eagles fly high – the eagle flies alone
and the baby’s cry and a child’s scream
mother, father, sister, brother
running into harms way instead of into the arms
of someone familiar, someone who shares – the same bloodline
maybe they are not hiding on my street
or bleeding in my city but there is a haunting howl
that penetrates and scars the purity of a holy night
and there is no sleep or restful place in my home
the sounds are loud, the sounds are clear,
deafeningly loud and crystal clear
the cry is there for all to hear – where do I belong
and what if we don’t, what if we tune out
turn up the volume on Christmas songs
drowning out the cries; what if we choose
to remain detached – and distant
wrapped in the warmth, wrapped in the safety
of our own homes; not knowing where I belong
what if we choose to close our hearts,
and block the sounds that are drowning out –
…the Christmas songs

© 2016 TrilbyYates

Blank Slate #2

Deep breath, deep painfully deep – I inhale, count 1,2,3,4,5…5,5,5 chest aches holding more than oxygen in; exhale blowing out nothing more than possibilities for a better day, a bettter sense of wellness, a suitcase full of angst

Memories are tiny clips, images wrapped within emotional set backs, images – a glimpse of things never forgotten, there is nothing lost in the details; texture, scent, gut reaction – fear escapes in illusions; fear an escape hatch with wisdom and for the wise, a camouflaged lifestyle always in disguise

A child, time stands still, new and fresh – old and stale crystal clear foggy storyline has all been told before, nothing new on the home front, nothing new as time slips away – 20,30,40,50 so many years ago, still, time is motionless as if yesterday

Questions never answered; they have shifted with time from why, to when – when will it not matter any longer; when will the jagged edges become smooth, when will fading away into the darkness of someone else’s life…become a release and not a failure, the path chosen cosmic shift twist of fate – a blank slate, a blank slate…

© TrilbyYates 2016